Is it time?

Is it time to write about my Granny yet? I have wanted to since Monday but I've been so crunched for time and energy and words that I haven't felt I could do justice. I'm going to start and see where this goes....

(deep breath.....)

My sweet, sweet Granny passed away Monday.

(pause)

This has been a much harder experience than I thought it would be. I always knew it would be sad but I just didn't think it would be so painful. The death of a grandmother is accepted as a natural part of life. We have known this day would come and we've actually prepared for it in the past. But, even with all of the very tragic deaths I've known in years behind us, this is the most painful by far.

Yet I know people are praying for me and my family because I'm not a broken-down-falling-apart-mess either. We have known for several years now that her health was "bad" but it wouldn't have surprised us at all if she lived another 10 years! Her main health concerns have been lack of strength and physical ability since a stroke a few years back. She had fibromyalgia and was on several medications. Pain was a problem for her and she stayed on pain meds for long periods at a time. I don't know what all of her meds were for but she was on a lot.

She moved to a nursing home a couple of months ago. She didn't want to do it but her strength had diminished so much that she just couldn't take care of herself and my PaPaul couldn't do it either.

She did not like being there but knew it was where she needed to be for the time being. She had goals of going home after some rehab.

The family was called together Monday morning. I got to her around noon. I pretty much didn't leave her side for her last 3 hours of life on this earth. I held her hand, wiped her face and forehead, kept her lips and mouth moist with a little ice-water-swab, I stroked her hair, and I talked to her. I was with her, along with the rest of our family, as she peacefully passed away. She wasn't in pain and seemed aware of what was happening. She had just a couple of periods of panic but I think I played a little part in calming her down enough to finally "let go."

The flashes of that memory -- that last breath -- still make my heart stop. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world, though. It was a true blessing...

I am extremely grateful that I was with her. I was able to tell her how much I loved her and how much I appreciated everything she did for me. And I know she heard me. I also was able to encourage her to let the Savior take her to His side.

"Please let Jesus save you. Believe and trust in Him. Granny, you're going to live again and you're going to be all better...I'm so sorry you've been sick...Please don't be afraid....please, Granny....trust Jesus....He is real and He loves you.....please don't be afraid."

My heart aches. I really miss her already.